03 June 2009
31 May 2009
20 May 2009
13 May 2009
11 May 2009
08 May 2009
everything in its right place
driving home this morning around two was rough. i'm so tired of studying. throwing things together that don't represent my inner perfectionism. i pulled out of the driveway of my friend's house and headed into the street. there were billows of fog. everything had a layer of dew. everything smelled of muggy spring. i rolled the windows down, turned up ok computer way too loud, and threw my hands out the window. i exhaled pure stress and just smiled.
i drove home on streets made of clouds.
07 May 2009
inspiration
01 May 2009
opera weekend
happy may day!
this song by elvis perkins is about the time spent while his good friend was in a coma. it's the most meaningful song i've heard in a great deal of time. the lyrics blow my mind.
29 April 2009
21 April 2009
16 April 2009
need the eggs
i've been at sick all week now. drugged into sleeping the majority of the time, forcing myself to the doctor, stuff like that. i've been lonely and watching a lot of movies. annie hall has been my favorite.
i won't be the first or the last to like woody allen's work, but it's been a nice time nonetheless.
14 April 2009
church bells
i think about weddings a lot. maybe it's because there is so much happening with marriage in the news, maybe because i think about my own, but mostly because they're part of my life. i've been the maid of honor. i've been the cellist. my mom's been the organist/pianist, my sister's been the violinist, i've been in the string quartet. i've played pachelbel's canon more times than i care to think of. i've seen the candelabras fall over. i've seen the father-in-law show up drunk, and i've seen the bride outside drinking a beer. i can tell what's popular, what's cliche, what's real and what's not. when people make it their own day, regardless of trends and fashions, that's what it's all about. when i hear of ideas like this one, it makes me so happy. renting out a few super 8 mm cameras to your friends and having them film it. the whole day will be a blur, so why not see it through the people who see the best in you?
that's just what it's about.
12 April 2009
bunnies and eggs
11 April 2009
10 April 2009
08 April 2009
07 April 2009
05 April 2009
little joys
no stranger to the stage, but started to notice things
this hall filled with people, friday evening
packed full, last concert of the season
hundreds of little faces, dark and similar
giddy and restless, lots of little noises
woman in blue suit, third row
bopping to ellington banged out of the piano
clasping her hands at moments
old man, holding wife's hand
seeing his face, swell red with tears
head lifted to the sky, huge smile
respighi's pure bliss
makes me feel magic
like a stranger, all over again
03 April 2009
perfect
i have no control over my tear ducts when i hear this.
words can't describe what it does to my insides.
beyond magical. out of this world.
01 April 2009
31 March 2009
30 March 2009
bike of my dreams
i really, really, wouldn't mind having the genius portland people of map build the bike of my dreams. all of the bikes are so fantastic. drool.
25 March 2009
unexpected theme of the day: children books
oh my dear god, i could not be more excited for a movie if i tried.
all my childhood dreams are coming true.
coolest cake
24 March 2009
23 March 2009
another crush
not as good as jungle love in purple rain, but nothing compares to that.
god, the time is so amazing.
21 March 2009
20 March 2009
schumann and daydreams
i pretend to play this with an orchestra today-
windows open, with bird accompaniment.
i'm getting a hair trim today. really excited for that.
milk!
happy first day of spring, happy friday, happy two day anniversary of this movie being in my life. you have to watch it if you haven't.
19 March 2009
cooking shows
i love cupcakes. i also hate to love tamra davis' cooking show, her adorable kids, her adorable life, and her adorable husband mike from the beastie boys. god dammit.
18 March 2009
cutie pie
good words
from your ill-fitting overcoat
something that really made sense today:
"'Give me a smile, sunshine,' he says as I swipe my card through the reader. 'It can't be that bad.'
"I roll my eyes. 'Good morning,' I say, with the inflection of a world-weary twelve-year-old. He laughs.
"Everyone's talking to themselves on the bus this morning and all I want to do is sleep. At least they aren't talking to me. I curl up against the back window, spring jacket pulled tight around my shoulders, hood over my head. I'm sick again.
"For the first time in a long while, I don't feel like going to work. But I don't feel like staying home either, a place that's feeling less like home and more like a place I'm tired of sleeping.
"I know I'm not depressed because I can still imagine a place I'd like to be. I can see it in my mind's eye: a deserted island, off the map and off the grid, somewhere in the furthest flung corner of the South Pacific. I can see myself cracking coconuts on a rock, wearing a sarong made from palm fronds. Maybe I could bring Sudafed.
"Mostly I just want sunshine. And the space to be alone instead of lonely.
"I haven't exactly cornered the market on hard times. We're all scrounging and sick and over it-- bulls and bears and puppy dog tails, the world's crumbling faster than a handmade pie crust, and still I find time to feel sorry for myself.
"It's not the three months I'm behind on rent. It's not the sickness that never fully leaves me. It's not the way the house around my ears is busting apart at the floorboards, mouse-eaten and bulb-burned and too cold for an almost-spring day. It's not the way I'm losing or have lost nearly every person I could ever care to love.
"It's the way the way the sun never shines full-bright. It's the way that every little moment is a chore. It's the way my wheels spin and spin and never go anywhere I really want to be.
"And then, I don't know. I'm sitting on the bus on a day as dreary as an eighth grade poem, hail and snails and puppy dog tails, snow and rain mixing to sleet, gum stuck to the seat beside me, and I'm looking through a smudged window at a street that needs cleaning and I think, This is beautiful.
"Just this moment.
"This is enough.
"And maybe it is".
"'Give me a smile, sunshine,' he says as I swipe my card through the reader. 'It can't be that bad.'
"I roll my eyes. 'Good morning,' I say, with the inflection of a world-weary twelve-year-old. He laughs.
"Everyone's talking to themselves on the bus this morning and all I want to do is sleep. At least they aren't talking to me. I curl up against the back window, spring jacket pulled tight around my shoulders, hood over my head. I'm sick again.
"For the first time in a long while, I don't feel like going to work. But I don't feel like staying home either, a place that's feeling less like home and more like a place I'm tired of sleeping.
"I know I'm not depressed because I can still imagine a place I'd like to be. I can see it in my mind's eye: a deserted island, off the map and off the grid, somewhere in the furthest flung corner of the South Pacific. I can see myself cracking coconuts on a rock, wearing a sarong made from palm fronds. Maybe I could bring Sudafed.
"Mostly I just want sunshine. And the space to be alone instead of lonely.
"I haven't exactly cornered the market on hard times. We're all scrounging and sick and over it-- bulls and bears and puppy dog tails, the world's crumbling faster than a handmade pie crust, and still I find time to feel sorry for myself.
"It's not the three months I'm behind on rent. It's not the sickness that never fully leaves me. It's not the way the house around my ears is busting apart at the floorboards, mouse-eaten and bulb-burned and too cold for an almost-spring day. It's not the way I'm losing or have lost nearly every person I could ever care to love.
"It's the way the way the sun never shines full-bright. It's the way that every little moment is a chore. It's the way my wheels spin and spin and never go anywhere I really want to be.
"And then, I don't know. I'm sitting on the bus on a day as dreary as an eighth grade poem, hail and snails and puppy dog tails, snow and rain mixing to sleet, gum stuck to the seat beside me, and I'm looking through a smudged window at a street that needs cleaning and I think, This is beautiful.
"Just this moment.
"This is enough.
"And maybe it is".
16 March 2009
13 March 2009
trees and memories
happy weekend (and spring break for me)! one of my very best friends and one of his friends is coming to visit today. the pictures of the trees were taken by me and clayton during the past summer. clayton was in aspen, colorado, and i was in beijing, china. can you tell whose is whose? or which continent is which? makes me think a lot about good times had and good times to come. hope this weekend is a great one.
i can't wait to go hug that new baby boy!
12 March 2009
beautiful boys
10 March 2009
noah james
welcome to the world, little man. it sucks a lot sometimes, but most of the time it's pretty okay. don't get discouraged if you lose something, or your brother or your parents don't agree with you all the time, or if you get dumped, or if you wreck your first car. i will do everything in my power to stuff you with the junk food your mom doesn't approve of, and tell you all the stuff your mom would freak out if she knew i told you. i can't wait to see you walk and talk, i can't wait until your first birthday, i can't wait until you graduate high school, or your wedding day, or the next time i get to see you. i could hold you in my arms forever. i wish you would stay this little forever. never wish to grow up, and never regret anything you do. i will remember everything about this day forever- how i cried when i saw you in the nursery window, the way you smelled, when i brought your dad a half eaten chicken salad sandwich and cold fries (and he loved it), when your brother david picked out your teddy bear and wrapped it in blue tissue paper, when i wore yellow rain boots into the hospital, when the nurses told me i looked like your grandma, the way the sky looked above the hospital as i drove away. i wish you a long and happy life, and i wish you strength to handle it all.
i will always be here for you.
09 March 2009
rain clouds and sad songs
childhood living is easy to do
the things you wanted i bought them for you
graceless lady you know who i am
you know i cant let you slide through my hands
wild horses couldnt drag me away
wild, wild horses, couldnt drag me away
the things you wanted i bought them for you
graceless lady you know who i am
you know i cant let you slide through my hands
wild horses couldnt drag me away
wild, wild horses, couldnt drag me away
not only is that song beautiful, but i love watching musicians listen to their own stuff. everything about that video made me feel better today.
06 March 2009
happy weekend!
05 March 2009
04 March 2009
black cab sessions
i highly recommend the black cab sessions. i've been watching them all morning. a lot of my very favorite artists have recorded with them, and it's a really cool concept.
oh yeah, sorry i'm sort of obsessed with her. oh wait, no i'm not.
daydreams and photos
03 March 2009
cereal and strange dreams
so i had weird dreams last night. i think i'm getting/am sick with something, because i'm constantly tired and sore all over. anyway, i was in this big auditorium- which was possibly underwater- and i'm pretty sure it was part of the aspen music festival (which i applied to and am patiently waiting on the news of my pending acceptance). a lot of people i knew were there, and it was a very steep auditorium. the seats just kept going forever. i got in trouble for bringing my cello along, but i think that i didn't know where else to put it. yo-yo ma was quietly playing cello in the back of the hall, and nobody was paying attention except me. then i took my cello to him and asked him what he thought of my bow. he put my bow vertically in between two strings and had me hold it there while he played open strings with his bow. then he told me my bow was too lightweight. how did he know that?! i had a craving for cereal, which lasted the entire dream. turns out- that was a real life craving that is still lasting throughout my morning. hence the picture of the newly reinstated vintage general mills cereal boxes that are completely bad-ass. i saw them at target on friday and freaked out. must. have. all. of. them. man, cereal rules.
28 February 2009
mini-golf and crêpes
happy weekend, everybody! what a lovely one it's been so far. my dear friend, olivia rose, celebrated her birthday yesterday with mini-golf and cupcakes. i saw a lot of old friends, and made some new ones. it was a really nice evening. today i woke up at noon (heaven), and went to watch my cello professor's 4 year old- matisse. then, i went to a place for brunch with a friend that one of those new friends last night recommended- the leaf kitchen. i had the crêpe up there (lime and brown sugar wheat), with a mint lime soda. it did make me want to drink a mojito, for it to be about 40 degrees warmer, and possibly lay on a hammock for days. oh well. time will cure all, i'm sure. then i spent 3 hours at a coffee shop with a couple of friends. i plan to keep hard-core relaxing through the weekend, maybe eat a lot of indian food, maybe cuddle too much, probably play cello a lot.
hope the rest of yours is great!
26 February 2009
25 February 2009
frugal wishlist
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